Showtime
by AggelosEternally
Summary: Esme is fed up of being neglected by Carlisle so she decides to try and spice up their love life. LEMONS!


**Showtime**

Esme's POV

I sank back into the couch, surveying my handiwork. Every surface was spotless, and

I was sure there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere in the house.

Except maybe under the bed Rosalie and Emmett's room. But no force on heaven or Earth could get me to clean under _there_ again. I had learnt my lesson after the last time.

I preferred to distance myself from my children's sex life as much as possible. It only reminded me of my own. Or lack, thereof. But what I had found that day was burned into my brain. I didn't know such things existed. _Where_ did Rosalie get them from? If my heart was still beating, I would have had a heart attack when I dared to switch one of those things on.

Thinking of those things only made me more restless, and I got up off of the couch and hunted for something else to do. It was a Saturday morning, and there was no one at home but me. Alice and Rosalie had driven to Seattle to go shopping for the weekend, whilst Emmett and Jasper had gone hunting in Canada. Bella and Edward were at home in their little cottage (my best remodelling job to date) with Renesmee. I considered going to see them, but they hardly got any time to themselves anymore. And Carlisle. Carlisle was working. Of course.

I was beginning to think that perhaps Carlisle had gone off of me. I barely saw him anymore. He was always at the hospital, signing up for extra night-shifts, or locked in his study filling in paper work.

In my head something clicked. Carlisle wasn't working the night shift tonight, and I was going to make sure he wasn't filling in paper work when we finally had the house to ourselves.

I raced back up the stairs and headed into Rosalie and Emmett's bedroom. I sucked in an unnecessary breath and got on my hands and knees, lifting the bottom sheet up over my head. The first thing I saw was a DVD with a girl dressed in a school uniform on the front. I pushed it aside and grabbed one of the few… _things_ that was still in its packaging. I scanned the box until I found the name of the store emblazoned on the back.

Perfect. The nearest was in Seattle. God forbid, I should go and bump into Alice or Rosalie inside. That would be one conversation I'd rather avoid.

I shook my head. My mind was made up. I was fed up with being neglected by my husband. Besides, the chance of being in the same shop in Seattle at the exact same time as Alice and Rosalie was minimal at best. I headed back downstairs towards the garage, pulling my coat on as I went.

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I stood outside the garish shop, eyeing it suspiciously. Every now and then a small group of giggling women would slope inside, and emerge later with bright pink bags, laughing even harder.

My feet were rooted to the floor, too afraid to move.

_Just do it,_ I willed myself. My left foot edged forward. In the blink of an eye, I was across the street. Damn, that was faster than I meant to go. I looked around nervously, but no one had noticed me.

I reached out and opened the shop door, and stole myself inside. The inside of the shop was a lurid pink, like the outside. It hurt my eyes just to look at the exposed walls. A few women were milling around, some even had their husbands and boyfriends with them. I shifted my attention to the displays. The wall closest to me was lined with every type of costume imaginable. I gingerly reached out and examined a nurse's uniform. It wasn't anything new to me. I had taken advantage of that idea four times in my marriage to Carlisle. I put the outfit back on the rack. I felt more comfortable now that I had seen something familiar. I left the display and ventured across the room to where a sign proudly displayed it sold 'Dildos and Vibrators.' I would have blushed if it had of been possible. I didn't have a clue what that even meant. I was so behind on modern day sex.

My eyes darted across the shelves. I could see a few of the things that I had found under Rose and Emmett's bed. I bit my lower lip. I didn't know where to start.

"You look lost," a cheery voice said beside me. I gasped and turned to face the young woman dressed in the shop uniform.

"Oh… um… yes. I am a bit," I agreed.

"Want some help?" she asked. I nodded once and looked her up and down. She was wearing too much foundation, and her hair was several shades too bright to be natural, but she looked honest enough.

"Okay. Well. Who are you going to be with? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Husband? Or on your own?" she asked. I wanted to blush again. And what did she mean girlfriend? Did I look like a lesbian?

"My husband," I said, managing to keep my voice level.

"Well, most couples like handcuffs, so you should probably get a pair of those," the girl offered. I nodded and she slipped a pair off of the shelves. "And body paint is always fun. Instructions are on the tube if you don't know what you are doing."

"No thanks," I said politely. Human food tasted like mud to us.

"No problem. Umm… then there are vibrators. This one is a best seller." She pointed to a large purple vibrator on the third shelf with… was that a rabbit attached? It was going to be a long day.


End file.
